Kill Me Twice
by ShelovesDarren
Summary: Without his own realization, Kurt killed Blaine, twice.


**Warning: Character's death.**

**Songs used: Perfect by P!nk & Kill Me Twice by My own Private Alaska (some lyrics changed)**

**This is the saddest Klaine oneshot I have ever thought of writing, you might cry, well actually you _will_ cry.**

**Hope you'll enjoy, though.**

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Kurt is in Lima! - Tina

Wait... What? -B

I just saw him! -T

What... Tina, wait. Where did you see him? -B

Lima Bean -T

I was there about half an hour earlier, when exactly was he there? -B

Maybe 15 min ago. -T

He was with some guy. -T

What? -B

Wait... Are you serious? -B

Yeah, with a blond guy. -T

Okay. Thanks, Tina. -B

No problem! -T

With that last message, Blaine quickly dialed Kurt's number; he couldn't believe what Tina has told him, why didn't Kurt tell him that he came to Lima? It wasn't surprising because since their break up, Kurt's been ignoring him completely, Blaine sent thousands of text messages, trying to explain, trying to get Kurt's attention, but with no results, same thing happened with the calls, and the e-mails. He waited for Kurt to pick up.

Kurt laughed sweetly and took a sip of his coffee as he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. "Wait, gotta get this, it's probably my dad." he said and smiled over to the boy in front of him. He took out his phone, not even looking at the screen as he hit the green answer button. "Hey, dad. So, Adam will definitely stay for dinner tonight, when will you be home?"

Blaine swallowed and felt his bottom lip trembling already, it was the first time he heard Kurt's name in almost a year now. "Uh..." He breathed shakily, his heart aching, who's Adam? He said to himself.

Kurt frowned and pulled his phone from his ear, checking if he was right. Blaine. He took a shaky breath and sighed. "Blaine...?" he said hesitantly and tilted his head.

Blaine felt his eyed stinging and he swallowed again. "Uh... Um... H-hi" He said quietly, voice a bit shaky, standing up from his bed and nervously biting on his lower lip.

"Can I help you?" Kurt said, harsher than he actually wanted to. The boy in front of Kurt gave him a questioning look and frowned slightly. "My ex..." He mouthed and then chewed on his lip.

Blaine's heart almost skipped a beat and he felt his chest tightened at Kurt's words and cold tone. "I- You're at the Lima Bean, right?" He asked, managing to form words and keep his voice steady, walking over to his bed again and sitting down while his hand was resting on his knee, squeezing nervously.

"Yes, I-" Kurt started but then cut himself off. "Wait, how do you know that? And why do you know that?" He asked, confused. How did Blaine find out he was back in Lima?

"Tina saw you there" Blaine answered and let out a shaky sigh, his heart nervously racing as he felt his head spinning with a rush of several, different emotions.

"Oh, I haven't seen her... Well, whatever. So...?" Kurt mumbled and raised his eyebrows, drumming his fingers on the table and taking a sip of his coffee again. "Anything I can do for you?"

Blaine frowned and cleared his throat harshly, feeling a bit humiliated by Kurt's way of speaking. "Actually I-" He paused for a moment. What does he want to do? Why did he even call Kurt? He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his eyes looking around his room. "Can we meet?" He just asked.

Kurt furrowed his brows and looked over to his companion. "I- um.. I actually am here with...m-my...boyfriend. Dad and Carol wanted t-to meet him..." Kurt mumbled, breathing the word _'boyfriend'_ and swallowing hard, knowing what it would do to Blaine. But Blaine also knew what cheating would do to Kurt.

Blaine pressed his lips together and took a deep, shaky breath, his heart beating painfully inside his chest as he heard the word 'boyfriend'. He felt like time froze for a moment and tears desperately wanted to spill down his cheeks like they always did whenever he remembered Kurt, he felt a knot in his throat that kept him from speaking, he was struggling from the inside, trying to breath out at least a word so Kurt won't think he died. Would Kurt even care if Blaine died? "Okay..."

Kurt remained silent for a moment and scratched his neck. "Blaine? B-Blaine, I... didn't say no." He said softly and felt his heart beating faster than before. "I...wait." Kurt took his phone from his ear and covered the speaker with his hand. "Adam, um... Blaine called me and I- he doesn't sound good. I haven't seen him for almost a year now and I... I just-"

"It's fine, just go. I'll prepare dinner with your parents in the mean time." Adam interrupted Kurt and leaned over to peck the younger boy's lips that immediately twitched into a smile.

"Thanks." Kurt said and held the phone to his ear again. "Um... What about we meet tonight? Maybe at Breadstix?"

Blaine let out a shaky, lightly relieved sigh and nodded, before remembering Kurt wasn't there to see him, Kurt wasn't there for almost a year. "O-okay" He managed a whisper, his hands trembling a bit.

"Six?" Kurt asked and fumbled with the half emptied mug in front of him, letting out a deep breath. He didn't know if it was a good idea to meet Blaine, because actually he wasn't really interested in seeing him again. But something inside Kurt told him he should go.

"Six" Blaine repeated quietly and squeezed his phone tighter with his hand, Kurt and he will meet, soon. And the idea of it made him so nervous that he felt his limbs freezing, he was scared, and scared of seeing another Kurt, Kurt that doesn't know him anymore, Kurt with a new life and a new boyfriend. New York's Kurt.

"See you then." Kurt said quickly and hang up, shoving his phone back to his pocket and turning his attention to Adam again, letting out a long, thoughtful sigh.

"What's up with him? Is he still sad?" Adam asked and reached for Kurt's hand on the table. Kurt looked down at their hands and chewed on his bottom lip, shrugging.

"I think he just can't forgive himself."

Blaine glanced at his phone for a brief moment and checked the time: 3.48pm. He sighed, shoving it on his bed and rubbing his face with both hands nervously. He remained still for a moment, the word 'Boyfriend' echoing in his head slowly, firmly, he started crying.

It was 5:58pm when Kurt opened the door to Breadstix. He inhaled the smell of the good food and smiled to himself at the good memories, his heart jumping and aching for a second, because he spent lots of time with Blaine in this restaurant. He looked around, checking if the younger one was already here.

Blaine was already there since about ten minutes, he was sitting at the same table him and Kurt always sat at when they were dating, he was looking down with a frown, as if he tried to chase the memories away, the memories that kept him up at night, the memories that made him zone out at day, bit on his lip, knowing that these memories will never go away.

Kurt found Blaine and gasped slightly. Blaine looked horrible, miserable. Broken. Weak. Empty. The boy he once dated, who was filled with joy and happiness and who was cheerful and full of love, he looked so different now. His eyes, even though Kurt couldn't see them yet, were darker and the light was gone. His hair wasn't properly gelled and his clothes not the colorful clothes he used to wear, the bow tie was missing as well.

Slowly, Kurt approached the table and slid his hands deep into his pockets as he stood in front of Blaine who hadn't noticed him by time. "Blaine?" He whispered and looked at him with a worried expression.

Blaine lightly jumped, snapping out of his thoughts, he looked up at Kurt and his expression softened. Kurt has also changed, He became taller, stronger, his face became more defined and more beautiful, his blue electric eyes shining as he looked at him in concern, Kurt grew up. Blaine swallowed and stood up. "K-Kurt..." He stuttered, studying Kurt's face closely as if he was looking at some strange thing, he has missed him and it was hurting, even though Kurt was there in front of him.

Kurt nodded slowly and looked back at Blaine. He didn't even think about it and breathed a "Come here..." before pulling the younger boy into a tight but soft hug and Blaine gasped lightly, feeling his stomach turning, fighting back some tears that were already filling his eyes.

It was a friendly hug, but also a loving hug. He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a deep sigh before pulling back. "Are you okay?" he asked gently and waited for Blaine to sit down again.

Blaine nodded slowly as Kurt pulled away, avoiding eye contact. He sat down and nervously played with his shaky fingers, discreetly wiping his eyes, Blaine couldn't take that, it was too much, seeing Kurt was too much, it made him happy of course, after about nine months, but somehow, Blaine was still feeling empty.

Kurt rested his forearms on the table after sitting down and tilted his head, studying Blaine. "Are you sure? Y-You look...not okay." He said and frowned, knowing why Blaine looked _not okay_. Knowing that it was because of himself, because of Kurt, because Kurt had decided to move on and not look back, to end their relationship. He knew all of that, though, he didn't know how to deal with it.

Blaine shrugged slightly and glanced up at Kurt for a short second before looking down again, smiling sadly to himself, almost mentally laughing at Kurt. Did Kurt really expect him to be okay after all of that? Blaine was not okay, and he was never going to be okay anymore. "That's just me. That's how the new Blaine looks" He mumbled and looked up with a blank, unreadable expression, his sadness now turning into self confidence, he needed to tell Kurt how he was feeling, he needed to talk about it.

Kurt sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Does the new Blaine always look like this? Or just now?" He then asked, sounding exhausted and sad. "I liked the old Blaine rather than this one, even though I know him for just five minutes by now..." Kurt mumbled and never looked away from Blaine.

Blaine laughed quietly, sadly, almost angrily, it has all became funny. Why is Kurt worrying about him? Why is he asking him this? "The old Blaine is gone, he's dead" He said coldly, not believing what's slipping out of his mouth for a moment and swallowing.

Kurt said silently and leaned back, still watching the younger boy. "Okay, Blaine, listen. L-Look at me, please." He sighed and waited until Blaine raised his head. "I know, you are still depressed and sad a-and angry, but you need to let it go someday. You can't take that with you for your entire life, Blaine. Look, I... I forgave you. Because otherwise I would have not managed to live my life apart of you. You need to do that, Blaine."

Blaine looked at Kurt and frowned, "You forgave me? What do you mean by this? Is forgiving means ignoring to you?" He asked with a slight confused expression, letting out a shaky sigh, it wasn't the moment to break down or apologize for the hundredth time, or even beg, it was the time to know the truth, to know what was going on.

Blaine, what do you expect from me?" Kurt mumbled and rubbed his cheek. "Do you really think, we are going to be best friends after that? I need time, I needed distance from all this. From home, from this town and especially from you." he said and swallowed. "I needed to... move on."

_'And especially from you'_ … Blaine swallowed and suddenly felt his chest tightening. "So you.. Left me here, ignored my messages, my calls, letters, e-mails, packages, because you needed to move on. Didn't you question yourself about how I was... Living? Didn't you wonder how kind of nightmare I was struggling in? It's been almost nine months, Kurt. Couldn't you just... Say hi? At least make me feel a little bit less disgusting than I already feel?" He said with a questioning expression on his face.

Kurt took a shaky breath and swallowed again, not knowing what to say about that. Of course Blaine was right. Of course he should have contacted Blaine somehow, but he didn't, for the simple reason of being scared to give in and get back to Blaine, to be the weak one, he didn't want to be anymore. "I-... u-um, I...Blaine, please don't..."

Blaine raised his eyebrows and was about to talk when the waitress arrived, he looked up at her and smiled politely as she asked them what they want to order. Blaine just asked for home made fruit juice, not being able to eat, even doubting his ability to drink his juice and Kurt ordered a glass of water and quickly smiled at the waitress as she left before looking down and biting his bottom lip, not really knowing what to do. He felt weird. Why was he even doing this?

Blaine looked at Kurt and sighed. "Look, Kurt. I'm not here to complain about how miserable I am, I just wanted to talk, why did you do this to me? Why did you ignore me?" He asked quietly, his eyebrows furrowed, his expression confused. He needed to understand what was going on. He needed Kurt to tell him, to explain.

Kurt let out a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes with his palm. "Blaine, I-" He started and remained silent for another short moment before speaking again. "I didn't want to stay in contact with you after that. You hurt me, badly. And there was no chance for me to get over it if I would have kept the contact. I needed this space and I-I...felt good with it" he mumbled and shrugged, slowly shaking his head.

Blaine swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment, his heart aching badly. "A-and you... Moved on, completely, right?" He asked, looking Kurt in the eyes.

Kurt frowned slightly and looked down, sighing again. "What do you mean with _'moving on completely'_?" he asked and again smiled softly as the waitress came back with their drinks.

Blaine waited until the waitress left and cleared his throat. "I mean.. You have a... Uh..." He swallowed harshly and some tears filled his eyes, he couldn't pronounce that word. "B-boyfriend..." He said with a broken voice. "And you... You're living your life in New York and... Good. It's, wow" He shook his head as if he couldn't believe that was really happening, Kurt really forgot about him, Kurt moved on.

Kurt nodded slowly and looked up at Blaine, carefully and worried. "Blaine, I... What did you expect? That I would just come back and everything would be fine again? Did you expect _that_ to happen?"

Blaine frowned and sighed shakily, swallowing again as his hand started shaking. "You said- you said you're never s-saying goodbye to m-me..." He stuttered, looking at Kurt with hurt, teary eyes.

"And you blamed me for 'cheating' on you, and then did it yourself a few months later." Kurt said, his voice unexpectedly cold and firm. He didn't want to sound it like that, but it was just the truth in his mind and also in his heart.

Blaine lightly gasped at Kurt's tone and words; he pressed his trembling lips together for a moment and blinked a few times to hold back the tears. "So you... Kurt, it-it's... I'm... S-sorry" He took a shaky breath and looked down, his hands squeezing his own thighs tightly, Kurt's words were deep, it came back, that night, nine months ago, in New York. And it was killing Blaine, he felt the pain coming back in that moment, and it was torturing him, like it always did.

"Stop saying that! You said it enough times!" Kurt snapped and rolled his eyes before closing them for a moment. "Please stop saying it. I know that you are sorry, but Blaine, that doesn't change anything. It happened, and you can't take it away anymore, okay?" he said under a sigh and took a sip of his water.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut as tears started falling uncontrollably, he didn't look up and bit on his bottom lip harshly, desperately trying to calm down, he couldn't speak, he couldn't look at Kurt. Kurt was scaring him at that moment, like all the people that kept blaming him for cheating and he ended up lonely.

Kurt watched Blaine, not saying anything but just watching him. He was tired, overwhelmed and he felt exhausted after just twenty minutes by now. He rather wanted to just go, but he couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't go away from someone he once cared about so much and who now sat in front of him, trying to not let him notice he was crying.

Blaine took deep shaky breathes and wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hands before looking up at Kurt, just looking up, trying to realize, to convince himself that Kurt is gone, forever.

Kurt just sat there and kept looking at him, not studying him, but only looking at Blaine with a neutral expression, neither caring nor angry, nor as if he would make fun of him. He just looked and waited for anything to happen.

About three minutes later, Blaine gave up, Kurt didn't care about him anymore, maybe he should just _'try'_ to move on himself, maybe he should also _'live'_ his own life as well. He called the waitress, paid both their orders and stood up. "Have a good life, I wish you all the best. Goodbye, Kurt" He only managed to choke out and walked away, his expression was blank. Blaine was done.

Kurt didn't answer and let his eyes flutter shut, a sigh escaping his throat. He leaned back in his seat and let out a deep breath, his head was aching. After a few minutes his opened his eyes again slowly and got up. He left some money on the table and made his way out of the building. It was raining and Kurt shivered as the cool air met his skin.

Blaine was driving by now, on his way home, it was already dark outside, the rain was pouring and there was a cold wind. He was breathing shakily, trying to focus on the road, his hands were trembling too much and he squeezed the steering wheel to keep them steady, he tried to forget, he wanted to forget what has just happened, but how could he forget what happened ten minutes earlier while he couldn't erase what happened nine months ago from his memory.

Kurt made his way back home in the mean time, trying to shrug his conversation with Blaine off and looking forward to the dinner with his parents and Adam. He hoped they had a good time and got along well as Kurt was gone, but he bet they did. Though, a wonderful evening was promised, Kurt had the feeling that something would go horribly wrong today. He didn't know what or when or even why, but he just had the feeling it would happen.

As Blaine was driving, he decides to take the long road to try and clear his head, not wanting to go home because he would end up crying in his room, staring at the photo album of Kurt and him, throwing up about three times and forgetting his homework, not having dinner, and staying awake until his body begs him to sleep, after an hour of sleep, nightmares would show up and he would cry again until the morning.

Opening the door, Kurt entered the house of his parents and closed it again behind him. "We're in the kitchen!" He heard Carole's voice shouting and he smiled happily. Kurt quickly kicked his shoes off and rushed over to the kitchen where Burt, Carol and Adam were sitting around the table, seeming eased and relaxed. "Hey, sorry, it took me a bit longer, I-" Kurt breathed as he sat down next to Adam, but his dad interrupted him.

"Kurt, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked and Kurt frowned slightly, looking at his step-mother who just blinked softly.

"Uh, sure." Kurt murmured and got up again as his dad already was about to leave the room.

Blaine was still driving, a bit fast, he didn't have a specific direction, he felt like he just needed to drive, he turned the radio on and his heart skipped a beat, "Perfect" was on, he bit on his lip immediately and looked over at the empty seat next to him, where Kurt usually sat, when they used to sing that song to each other. Blaine was still thinking that Kurt was perfect to him, but he knew now, that he isn't perfect to Kurt.

"What's up?" Kurt said after his dad closed the kitchen door, they were alone in the hallway now.

"Kurt, uhm... Adam said you met up with Blaine." Burt stated and looked down at his son who frowned and then nodded.

"Y-Yes, why? It was.. nothing, I mean, he wanted to talk to me and so I just said yes, an-" Kurt rambled and rolled his eyes but his dad cut him off.

"No, Kurt, wait. How did he seem like? Was anything suspicious about him?" He asked with a serious and firm, but silent, whispering voice. Kurt gave his dad a questioning look and frowned even more.

"What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly and though about how Blaine behaved earlier.

"Kurt, please, think. He usually comes over every weekend but lately he didn't. Neither did he call us, nor visits for dinner on Sundays anymore. He completely isolated himself, and I'm really worried about him. It's like... he's like a new person, so please, tell me."

Kurt swallowed hard at his dad's words. _'Like a new person'_. _'The old Blaine is dead, this is the new one'_. "I-I... Um... D-Don't know. Dad, what is going on? What happened?"

Blaine started crying as he listened to the song, he could've turned the radio off, but he didn't, he felt like all what happened to him, all what Kurt did to him and all what he did to himself wasn't enough, he needed to suffer, to punish himself for what he did, but he also was exhausted, his body gave up, his mind gave up, even though his heart was screaming to hold on. Blaine closed his eyes for a moment, driving faster, faster, uncontrollably faster…

Burt let out a deep sigh and looked down for a moment and Kurt felt his heart racing, he was scared of what he was going to hear. "Blaine m-made... H-He...apparently, he tried to kill himself a few weeks ago." Burt whispered and looked straight into Kurt's eyes.

_'He tried to kill himself'_. The words didn't want to go in Kurt's mind. He felt dizzy. It was as if someone would have slapped him right in the face, kicked his stomach and ripped his heart out of his chest. "No he didn't. Th-That's not true. He didn't do that. P-Please, tell me this is a bad joke." he managed to utter under his breath, his hand covering his mouth and his eyes growing wide. All the thoughts snapped back to the moments he should have gotten suspicious. But now, instead of helping Blaine, instead of waking up and opening his eyes he had just continued to behave like the biggest asshole in the entire universe and pushed Blaine, who needed him desperately, away from him.

Blaine was sobbing but he didn't slow the speed of his car, he kept mumbling _'sorry's_ to everyone he knew, to everyone he has ever met, his eyes were squeezed shut, he needed to feel that eternal relief, he needed to be away from there, he also needed Kurt to be happy no matter what, and Kurt wasn't happy with him, so why trying again?.. He pressed his lips together and snapped his eyes open, taking all his courage with both hands, he picked up the car's speed even more and-

"It is true. But don't tell anyone, please. Nobody really knows. I think only his parents and I know it. So please keep it to yourself, Kurt. And I hope you were nice to him earlier. That boy is done with everything." Burt said and patted Kurt's shoulder, squeezing it gently before walking away again, entering the kitchen.

Kurt felt stoned. He couldn't believe what his dad had just told him. Blaine tried to kill himself. He made a suicide attempt. What did he do? What happened? And why didn't Kurt notice? And why, for God's sake has he been so horribly rude earlier? "Shit." Kurt whispered to himself and leaned against the wall, he would have collapsed otherwise. "Kurt, are you alright? Dinner's alread-" he heard Adam's voice from the kitchen but he didn't hear more, the front door already slammed close behind him and he just ran, ran fast, his feet carrying him away. He needed to talk to Blaine. After five minutes of running in the now heavier rain he stopped. Completely out of breath and soaked to the bones he grabbed his phone, nearly dropping it. He dialed Blaine's number, he still knew it by heart, and impatiently, nearly scared waited for the younger boy to pick up.

Blaine's car slammed against a huge rock down a descent, it was completely crashed, Blaine's body somewhere there, the only thing that could be seen was blood, blood everywhere, it was still raining heavily, but something was sure, Blaine was now relieved, forever away from the one who promised him that he would never say goodbye to him, ever.

Even the fifth attempt to call Blaine ended up with the mailbox answering so Kurt just decided to leave a message after the tone. "H-Hey, Blaine. Um, it's me, K-Kurt. Um, I...wanted to apologize for how I behaved and for what I did to you. I'm sorry you had to go through this and, please, I would...I hope we can meet up again, I want to tell you in person. Please call me back, I'm worried about you. ..." he mumbled and felt himself tearing up slightly as a soft sob escaped his lips. "I love you." he breathed and quickly hung up, sliding his phone back to his pocket to rub his eyes.

"_You were supposed to love me  
You were supposed to care  
You were supposed to play a part  
You were supposed to like the game  
You were supposed to talk  
You were supposed to kiss or kill  
But you chose to kill me twice"_

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**Don't kill me. I know it's a horrible ending.  
Please review and let me know if you liked it :)**

**This story has been by me and klaineforchristmas on Tumblr, make sure to follow her! :) **

**Thanks for reading.**


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